"Everyone should get a stand ovation....because we all overcometh the world" -Auggie Pullman

  After reading a book and finishing, I often don't even know what to do with myself. I wish I could call up the writer and tell him/her how amazing he is. With many books I have actually grown as a person while reading them (i.e. The Dove Keeper, Reason To Breathe, Wonder, The Sisters' Grimm, The Umbrella Academy Part 1 and 2, The Velveteen Rabbit, Bruised, Run, The Game, and so on.) These books make me want to have them forever, because is all honesty they have added a piece to me. They were a part of the stepping stone of who I am right now. For this, I love reading and writing equally, and I hope that one day someone will read my book and have that moment of almost nostalgia as they look back on the events of my book. I hope that in this life time I can bring that impact on someone.

  On a different, yet still happy note, I am pleased to tell you that this year, is eons better than the last. I have better teachers and I just feel better all together. Don't get me wrong, it is still school and it is still very boring and life sucking but it is SO much better this year.

  Lastly, on a more saddened note, I must tell you a fear that I have been feeling for a few days, maybe 2 weeks now. School started around 3/4 weeks ago and I am starting to feel like it is stripping away my originality and what I stand for. I can feel some of my pacifism slipping away and so I feel as though I am betraying some unknown source. This is the reason my blog has been so neglected. I have started around 4 entries, but not finishing one. I feel the same loss of motivation of last year and I am hoping I can overpower the depression creeping up from behind me.

Note: I miss -A my little Anonymous commenter.

Comment. Share, and Email me please! Motivation is what I need!!

With love, happiness, and lingering fear,
Mayhem

Wake Up Lesson- #3 Us and Them

So, I have decided to make 'Wake Up' as a feature in which I bring everyday issues to your view. Today, we have Wake Up Lesson- #3: Us and Them.

      Since about the dawn of time, we have always been told, or at least always heard, it's us and them. You know, the "populars'" against the "Nerds'", the "Jocks'" against the "Geeks'", the "Gays'" against the "Cool kids'", and inevitably, the "Goths'/alternative kids'" against the world. To a certain extent, I guess the term is nice when correctly used in the right content with the right intent in general. I don't understand the whole "Outcasts" versus the "Populars". I don't know if you have a friend who is Goth or Alternative styled, but one of the biggest complaints is being stereotyped, (You know, Mrs. Walker next door swears she saw you sacrificing virgins.) but we are hypocrites by hating the "Popular" kids.
       Popular, by definition, is someone who's company is enjoyed by many people (Synonyms: Well liked, friendly) so why by our definition is popular considered such a bad thing? Why is it bad to be well-liked? More than once, I've seen someone deny being popular like it was something to be embarrassed about. Why do we consider popular people as our enemies? Sure, we all know the rich, popular asshole, but not every popular kid is a little twat.

      So here's the 'Wake up' part: Pinch your arm, slap yourself, drink some coffee, and wake up. It is not you against all the jocks' or popular kids. I am friends with tons of popular people because they are nice! Who cares if they are rich, poor, small, big, popular, nerdy, social, awkward, those are all just labels that we are given, that doesn't mean that everyone there is the same!! Times in which it is okay to do 'us and them' is here:

Scenario 1: You are a starving artist, no one will buy your work, you and your lover are just skimping by and you feel a heavy burden. Someone tells you that you should give up. That, is a moment of 'Us Against Them' because at that moment, you are battling the world for your place.

Scenario 2: You are not aloud to try out for the school football team because you are a girl, so you and your other friends who play protest. That, is 'Us Against Them'.

        So don't let some one's label make you not want to befriend them. That's just a waste.

"You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms and the most convenient definitions" -The Breakfast Club "People never think anything is anything really. I'm getting godamn sick of it." -The Catcher in the Rye "You can't ever find a place that's nice an peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write 'Fuck You' right under your nose" -The Catcher in the Rye Xo -Mayhem

I Hurt In Places You Can't Fix.

"It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good"

-We Found Love



"You destroy what you love"

-The Dove Keeper





One day maybe you will see me the way I've seen you.

The swoon in my stomach when I saw you.
The race of my heart when we touched.
The days when you called me crying because you poked your thumb on her thorn again.
Those days we cuddled for comfort.
The painful feeling of being so close to you when we lay in bed, yet knowing I can never touch you.
The way you woke me up every morning, peppering kisses on my face, and we'd cuddle until we were ready to face the world again.
The way you kissed me.
That time you straddled me in the chair, skittering across the ugly tile, just talking of our future.
The times you told me that I was too much.
The fact that you were right in front of me, and snatched away.
How we just sit in each other's company, and are content.
Those days we spoke of marrying one another.
The fact that you will never understand the pain I feel, because you love her, instead of me.
Frequent moments we share that I know I am in love with you.
My body hurts so bad from heartache.
Some days I hate you for it.
For not loving me.
For not wanting me.
For teasing me.
But that is always replaced by love.
I wonder if you know that you can work me like a puppet.
Then there was the day I coughed out the glass shards slitting my throat.
Black smoke into our clear sky.
and what's worse is that I couldn't tell if you'd came to stare or wash away the blood.
In the end I patched my own corpse, and the scarred tissue remains.
Your icy fingers encircled around my neck.
You smile at me as my eyelids droop.
And you blow the sickeningly sweet red dirt in my face.
The wind carries your essence on my being.
My dreams' carry the hope.
Love still has the reigns.
What's worse is that I still don't hate you.
I hate myself.
You suffocated me in pure ignorance.
Red frost under your lips and a poison label on the outside of your cherry lipstick.
I was born a hopeless romantic.
I was born a faithful lover.
I wonder if you can guess this is about you.
I'll confirm your thoughts.

It's about you.

But it always has been.