I. Just. Died.

Gerard Way tweeted me on twitter.

Why The Hell Am I here Again?

UPDATE. For now on we will have a picture of the day, and when I can, a song and quote of the day as well.

Tears you up 

Breaks you down 

Gives you faith

But you lose it in yourself

The ever expanding machine

As it's duty, builds itself

Savor the days till it comes

Before the compliance is but a breath  on your mind

Nonconformity your eldest partner in crime

But it'll end as all good does

When the ever present evil stays strong

The death of your soul will come and when it does he'll be there

Watching his world turn you to pulp

Laughing in the distance 

You thought you were you

How proud he seems to be

Just to have fooled you

When you think you're safe his deadly weapon comes

Grabs you by the ankles

Slams your head against the wall

Rip your thoughts out 

Lets your individuality crawl

Slaps you on at the end

Blood of this identity not on your head

Though the traces still stain you to me

Ever wonder the thoughts or dreams they once had?

No.

Because you're one of them

Who you claimed you'd never be

Scream out 

Your final fight 

The one we all lose

And soon become

Just another part

Another piece of this meaningless machine

-Kayla (Tom Riddle)

Quote of the day:

"Everyone treats you like a kid so you might as well through the T.V. through the window" - Gerard Way

Song of the day:

Say It Ain't So -Weezer 

Picture of the day:

                                           Maybe I'm deluded, but it was a hell of a ride,

                                                   -Mirror Mayhem

Three Bites, Let's Sing.

In a world so grey
you brighten my day
a smile so sweet
not many know you fake
together we are an intractate production
depression slowing our progess
doomed to our family's mistakes like suction
That is okay
we can be that together
my love for this art never fades
we can scream through this mask of the girl you want to be
or you can shed her
this is a group of misery
drowning lessons, you can infer
Life is a slope, slippery
hopeful and unplanned
comfurting like between your toes, the laying sand
our pain is a symphony
a work of art
pure agony
it is beautiful
an as once said
'give me all your poison
and give me all your pills
and give me all your hopeless hearts and make me ill'
so with your sickness, I'd loved to be filled
for you to live, I am happy to be killed
lets live in honor of nothing, nobody, and everything.
Let's embrace this angst
lets sing.
Let's sing
let's sing
the ugly happiness we'll bring
Fight away our tragedies
lets sing


                               -Mirror Mayhem


    Today I reached across someone to get the goldfish they were offering, and the kid I reached across bit me. Hard, 3 times. Oh my god. It was horrible! I didn't even know him! It was hilarious and weird and he was kind of cute. He smiled cheekily, and said "I like biting people!" when I asked why.

R.S.V.P. For Tickets To Hell

 In this world I like to believe that Heaven and Hell are not an afterlife thing given by God, but an earthly concept that we use to describe our life. When we are born, we are usually in purgatory, this medium of not happy, but not sad either. It is a water colored middle. Boring, and sad. We grow up trying to get out of purgatory, because this is what we are taught to do. We are always told to set goals, set standards, set up a plan, be better, try harder, work harder, think deeper, make better grades, do better quality, be perfect like God, be perfect like Mother Mary, never sin like Jesus, etc. It is this roundabout circle of the same things, pounded into our brains with brutal force. So because of this, that is what we strive to be. We spend our whole lives disappointed in ourselves because we think, or are told, that we can do better. We feel as though we haven't met a certain standard that simply does not exist. We are trying so desperately to just scratch the surface of what we consider Heaven. A happiness, a bliss, a content world. Yet we fail, and try again. It becomes a depressing circle of trying so hard only to be shot down without a second thought of sweet sympathy. For some of us, we finally get there, for others we stay in a washed out middle, and then there is the unlucky majority of us. We fight and claw trying so damn hard to get just a taste of Heaven's sickly sweet taste on our bitter tasting tongues.

Yet, though we try the hardest, we are shot down time after time. Slowly, we began to lose steam, we begin to lose hope that we will ever make it to Heaven, and you wonder, 'If I deserved to be in Heaven. wouldn't I be there?' This dreadful thought is the final thing we need. We are burdened with a painfully heavy wait of hopelessness, depression, disappointment, failure, and sadness. These are to heavy for us to carry and we are dragged into what we all fear: Hell. We drag through our lives, painfully at the least. The weight still  is solely carried on our shoulders. We scream, cry and beg for help, but the hero's are just to high to hear our constant pleas. These screams turn to pleas, pleas to whimpers, and whimpers to silent prayers to a God we don't believe in. This endless cycle of heart shattering pain can lead

to something heartbreaking to us all: Suicide. That is what it drives us to, insanity, and depression. You feel yourself and everything crumble around you. You are breaking beneath the weight. You just want to end it, make all this needless pain go away, and let your tears escape your eyes, and they nearly do. But just as you are at your weakest someone kicks you in the stomach and tells you to suck it up, and so you do. That is the life for a kid that never got a taste of  Heaven. Some of us break free, we make it. Some of us forever stay in the murky darkness of Hell, and some of us finalize our lives with the letter on your wrists.

 "...and you can sleep in a coffin but the past ain't through with you"
 -Kill All Your Friends (My Chemical Romance, The Black Parade B-Side)










                                                       Tragic with a capital T,
                                                         -Mirror Mayhem

This Poison, These Pills, They Never Meant A Thing.

 Music creates a sensation I can not ever fully explain. It is this feeling of down right emptiness.

 Of passion, anger, sex, angst, depression, addiction, failures, insecurities, miserableness, loneliness, hope, faith,  happiness, belief, insanity, sanity, geekiness, content, horror, and the feeling most powerful,

 Music creates the feeling of love. 

Today, for the first time I realized I am in love with music. People plague my love for bands and music as a phase, or worse, a petty obsession. They cannot understand. This is not obsession, this is not a phase, this is a milestone. This is a moment, a freeze in time. This is me finding out who the hell me is. This is music. Music lasts a lifetime, and creates a feeling that lasts forever. A burn, a fire, it sets me off in a blaze of desperation, and faith, and hope, and anger, and every feeling that I refuse to let fill me. It sets off butterflies in the pit of my stomach. I am in love with music. People stare and wonder. For many of us, it is a phase, but for me it is so much more. It is a fiery passion, and explosion of emotion, and a dosage of what I need. These people can't see. can't feel the way I do when the music fills me. It is strange and I have never felt something like it before. It fills me up like the hollowness never existed, and winds me out like the hollowness should be there, and it creates this emotional let go, and sets an inspirational goal and sight for me. With music, if even for a moment I see something so bright that it burns to look at, and so powerful I feel sick and scared-

 I see hope, and I see a future.

I wish so badly I could say thank you to those people who have made this life so much better. This trip has been so bad and good for me at the same time because it had made me realize how unhappy I am, and it is helping me back on my feet again. So, if for one second you think you are better than the girl in all black with the band tee on that she never seems to take off, if you ever think that it is just a phase, or she is just some hormonal obsessed teenager with petty problems, then you are wrong. Because don't you remember your favorite band? Do you remember laughing at their jokes and quirks, and smiling when they did, and crying when tragedy struck for them? Do you remember your first C.D. that you never stopped playing, the one you still own today? Do you remember that first T-shirt you bought that you never wanted to take off again? Most of all, do you remember the day that you rocked in the dark crowd, crying and laughing, and exploding with emotions and going home knowing you would never be the same again, because for you, that concert was life changing, and even now you remember that feeling, that feeling of love, passion, and that feeling of belonging. So, next time you think you're better than the girl with the "Likin Park" shirt on, think again.

 Thank you music, Rock, and My Chemical Romance, for this bittersweet ride through Heaven and Hell.



                                                    Merci Pour Le Venin,
                                                        -Mirror Mayhem

 "Loving a band with all your heart is something you only understand when it happens to you. On the surface others can see it as a petty obsession, but they'll just never know the feeling of putting so much faith  into a few people on the other side of the world. It's hard to explain it to them, the listening to song after song on repeat, the waits for a new albums, the excitement and surreal sensation when you finally see them live. They don't seem to understand why the lyrics booklets give you a sense of comfort, or why you paste photos of them all over your bedroom walls. And they never seem to understand why one band could matter to you so much. And you think to yourself "Because they saved my life." But you say nothing because they wouldn't understand"
 -Alex Gaskarth

 "What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author was a terrific friend of yours."
-The Catcher In The Rye

"Anyone who understands how standing in a crowd of sweaty people, elbow to elbow, screaming along to the words embedded in your heart, can give you the most happiness ever needed. When you're shoved against a sea of bodies and you don't know what sweat belongs to you or your neighbor, you can't barely breathe in that moment, your favorite song starts playing and you forget about everything: all you're concerned about is the melody, rhythm, and the beat of the song all you care about is singing your heart out and knowing it's okay to love something maybe a little too much, as long as it's real to you."
-Gerard Way

Hanging Out With Corpses

Dig, Dig, Dig Me A Grave

This addiction

Trapping me in

My razor blade with me through thick and thin

Never to be loved

A heart covered in mud

Hollow words shot like daggers

Directed at a broken soul

They dig me further in this hole

And be careful because you'll find

The deeper you dig me

The more wounds I must bind

The hole your digging

Will become a grave for a soul with a purpose impossible to find

 

 

Hanging Out With Corpses

Just can't mend

I only get broken again

and to be scared of being okay

Is a disease

Words left never to say

Hanging out with the deceased

Because now she lay in a grave

 

 

Depression.

That word is a parasite that violates you,

a demon that plays with you,

a ghost that haunts you, a chamber that locks you in,

can we ever see the sun again?

Originals.



                                                                      With love,
                                                                  -Mirror Mayhem

No thanks to you.

Yeah.

I know life’s not fair.

Yeah.

I know people are bad.

Yeah.

I know sex is more than a material thing.

Yeah.

I know life is hard.

Yeah.

I know I’m young.

No.

I’m not naïve.

No.

I’m not too young to know.

No.

I’m not ignorant.

No.

I am not lucky.

No.

I am not “living the life”

No.

I am not happy.

 

 

But thanks for asking.

 

 

                                                      With love,
                                              -Mirror Mayhem

You're Beautiful!!

I don't know if I have ever told you guys how much I fucking love you. So,


 I FUCKING LOVE YOU STUPIDLY BEAUTIFUL FUCKERS!
(yes even you, old balding fat man)

You guys are the reason this blog has continued. No, this blog isn't amazing popular or anything, but that is okay. For you people who are 'regulars' and read my blog a lot-or at all- I want to thank you. Without you, I would have no way to express my stupid teenage angst. Show some of your friends? Share it on facebook or twitter or on your FABULOUS blog?

"I would love not to feel the way I do about certain things, and have rainbows and birds chirping in my head, but that's just not the way I'm built"
-Frank Iero

                                               You're beautiful,
                                              -Mirror Mayhem-