The Silence Of The Toasters.

 You know what's sad? That I am way too young to be smoking, yet I do. I am way too young to have the burn of alcohol down my throat, but I do. It is not to be cool, it is not to fit in, I don't do it socially, I do it alone. I don't brag about it, I keep quiet. I am trying to stop you know? The thing is, no one notices that I am desperately trying to stop and get better. All they notice is the fucked up kid in the corner. I am trying!! I swear I am trying so hard to stop, I am trying to get better but sorrow, regret, worry, stress, and pressure follows my like a fucking stray dog. Today though, I don't want to be negative, so let's find something funny to one-sidedly chat about.

  How about motherfucking toasters. Hey fuckers whom create toasters, how about you fucking listen the hell up. When I put my toast in, how about you fucking put, Light and Dark, that way I know wtf I am getting my toast into. That is secondary though, when my toast is done, it should fucking "BING!" not be silent. MOTHERFUCKING DUMBASS! How in the HELL am I supposed to know my toast is ready when it's mute ass wont tell me. Fucking stupid-heads...smh..

 I watched 'The Silence Of The Lambs' and I highly suggest for anyone who likes fucked up shit (like Stephen(or Steven?) King, or Tim Burton.) It is so damn good. I look up to Hannibal(the cannibal). I feel fucked up though for thinking he is a badass motherfuker. He is just so damn smart it's fucking awesome.

 Anyway, carry on Kittens. By the way, you can now subscribe to my posts. Try it out!


                                         You're the Diet to my Coke,
                                                -Mirror Mayhem-

Some Days I Wish For Things Like Loosing This Feeling

 Some days I question my sanity. I question what the fuck am I doing with my life? Oh yeah, nothing. I wake up smudge on eyeliner, go to school, not pay attention and fail everything, draw during classes contrary to taking notes, come back home, blast My Chemical Romance, read, read, read, draw, write, draw s'more, eat two crackers, drink coffee even though it is way late, stay up until dawn, sleep for two hours, and repeat. Exciting? No. I fear for my fate. I will probably fail this year, but I can't help it; I am really depressed and nothing propels me to go and try. It's like I am constantly exhausted, always. I can't decipher why, I just am. I feel weak and honestly the only things I am ever up to do is write, read, drink, or smoke. Other than that, I have nothing that I really do. That's a disappointing thought, and I can't help but to wonder....


                What have I done to help someone else?

I want to be part of something bigger than myself, that way I can't forget about how fucked up I am and instead help someone else. That's what I love doing; helping people. Some days I wish for things, like loosing this empty broken feeling 'cus I don't want to be broken, and I don't want to be empty.

You're the hopelessness to my feelings,

-Mirror Mayhem-

Heaven Help Us(Headfirst For Halos)

I can't stop playing Headfirst For Halos and Heaven Help Us. The lyrics burn to hear, but that's only because they are masked in  truth.

Heaven Help Us:
"The punch line to the joke is asking "Someone save us!" 
Heaven help us now."

Ain't that the bitter truth? The funniest part is no matter how many times we are shoved to the back and ignored, we still scream for someone to save us. Is it hope, or is it ignorance? How long is ignorance bliss? Until ignorance turns into learning the truth it hurts more than just knowing from the beginning.

Headfirst For Halos:
"Now the red ones make me fly and the blue ones help me fall
and I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling.
and as the fragments of my skull begin to fall,
fall on your tongue like pixie dust
just thunk happy thoughts
and we'll fly home"

Is it scary that I agree? Obviously at first it is about his drugs, then the thoughts it gives him "I think I'll blow my brains against the ceiling" the drugs demented  or at least strengthen thoughts that he would usually be able to swallow. "Think happy thoughts" Is him trying to control his thoughts until the high passes then he is thinking about it again, "We'll fly home" and what's more convincing than the thought of never having to face everyone you hate, and just going home?


 Maybe I am just twisted and I am shape shifting this song to fit the way I want it. Whatever the case may be. Thankyou for reading.


 Stay strong, hold on tight, and do it now.

                                           
                                                 You're my Punk to the Rock,
                                                      -Mirror Mayhem-

And I believe in Rock n' Roll.

I am broken beyond repair and some days I wonder if my loved ones are better off leaving me alone to be broken. So many people have shattered my heart and stepped on the pieces. And now I sit here with a shitty tube of super glue wondering 'what am I going to do this time?' because the pieces just aren't worth saving.

"these words are forced to fit my mood
i'm sick of these mirrors
meticulously isolated yet always surrounded
I have nothing to say that wont get me into trouble
your frost is a punch to the gut
these days are covered in thorns
my tears fall short of escaping my eyes
but we try
and we fail
so we try some more
and together we shall see what time is made of."

-Frank Iero


Then this:

"No surrender, no compromise, no fucking shit. That's rock n' roll, and I believe in rock n' roll."

-Gerard Way


 And tears burn my face. This band is my everything. Thankyou MCR, and thankyou to whoever takes the time to read this blog.

Oh How Wrong We Were To Think Immortality meant never dying!

I have been told that I will drown in my tears; so be it. My heart is cascading in sadness. I feel a burning desire to run up to Gerard and shake him, to ask him "What do I do now?" because I don't know. This has shattered my heart. Though I am still happy for them this is one of those moments where you smile through buckets of tears. It is an un-real feeling. I can honestly say that it feels like I lost my father. Though my father isn't here so I guess I wouldn't know.My Chem. was like a father figure in its self. When I was angry or sad they lulled me to sleep.I can feel my hollow heart beat. I had no inspiration, no hopes, no dreams, nothing; until I found MCR. I still have every ounce of respect for them. I wish I could meet them. I cry at night thinking of them, but not in a sad way. I have been broken, stepped on, shoved into walls and lockers, my name is sprawled across the bathroom stall, my eyes have seen things they never should have and memories I shouldn't own are engraved into my dreams. Every night I am in the company of a memory I want to cast away. My dream to be a lead singer of a band only has more drive now. I dare someone to tell me "you can't do it" I dare someone to tell me "you can't make it" One day I will meet MCR, and one day I will be saving lives. Nothing you can say can stop me.



"Oh how wrong we were to think immortality meant never dying"

                                              You're the hand I hold,
                                                 -Mirror Mayhem-

Is their still a heart in that age you call a chest? and with what we've seen, do you still think we can reclaim our innocence?

I feel like complete shit. My Chemical Romance broke up yesterday. With 5 sentences:

"Being in this band for the past 12 years has been a true blessing. We've gotten to go places we never knew we would. We've been able to see and experience things we never imagined possible. We've shared the stage with people we admire, people we look up to, and best of all, our friends. And now, like all great things, it has come time for it to end. Thanks for all of your support, and for being part of the adventure.My Chemical Romance"

That's it, That is all they gave us. The dedicated fans, the one who you saved! I feel like I picked you up because I needed to heal. I was falling apart, breaking from the seams. I picked up My Chemical Romance so I would have a reason not to fall apart. They always told us not to slit our wrists, and I didn't, because I have never had more respect for 4 men in my life. They mean everything and I would die for them. Now that they are just over, nothing to leave us with, but 5 fucking sentences  Well fuck you too! My heart was healing, I was getting better, I had a reason not to cut, but now I guess not huh? No one else is here to fucking stop me. I feel like you raised me up, gave me hope, you showed me the world from the sky, you showed me a better prospective, and then you just dropped me to hit rock bottom. So my heart feels dead and I feel like shit. I hope you guys don't feel as bad as I do. Just do not kill yourselves; dont forget their words."Never let them take you alive"

"Never waste your life on suicide""
When we brake up; save yourselves"         
                 It's not over. I don't think this is the last we'll be hearing of them.                                     Your the sinking in my heart,                                             -Mirror Mayhem

The link to that post by MCR: http://www.mychemicalromance.com/news/

I Don't Always Panic, But When I Do...

 Do you ever feel like sometimes the Devil has your name? Like you were someones virgin to sacrifice?  Someday I do. I'm like, if there is in fact a God, he fucking hates me. So I don't have much to say but today I go back to hell, here are some pics. to make it better!

You're the Jet to my Star,

-Mirror Mayhem-