Suicide letters

    I never thought my life would boil down to the simplicity of a suicide letter. I wanted to sing, I wanted to inspire people, I wanted to save lives, I wanted to have my band. I wanted us to make it big, to be "That band that saves lives" I wanted us to crush the rules, and make our own road. I wanted to paint. I yearned to create a masterpiece with a swish of a brush. I burn to let the mental stories, memories, and nightmares come out on the canvas  I knew that those two were my only escape. I know it is still. But that wait is too long and I don't want to Wait anymore; I need it now. I want to escape this torture that washes into me. I want to skip middle school, i wanted to skip high school. I want to go to art school and make music. I wanted My Chemical Romance to hear my music, and like it. I wanted to meet the four men who saved me repeatedly. Unfortunately, no one could save me from this, because I have been in this hole since 2011 and its been getting deeper. I am already mentally 6 feet under, all I need is my body to catch up. So this is my goodbye, because I can't stop the addiction of a blade at my wrist. The pleasure of seeing my blood seep through my self induced wounds. The releasement of stress, pain, and agony.
"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."
 Well, I don't think so. You see, I'm depressed and its obvious its always going to be this way. Sure I'll be happy for a little while but it always creeps back into my mind invading my happy thoughts with its poisonous words of hate. My spirit has been poked, prodded, and torn, my heart stolen out of my chest, my mind lost. No long list of people I loved needed. You people who were there for me know who you are. Don't cry, save those tears for a funeral of someone whose ending was a tragedy and not a planned event. Mine was purposely. It was MY choice. So save your water works for a tragedy. Blow a kiss into those methane skies for me?


 This is an old suicide letter i never fulfilled.


                                                      You're the Dr. to my Pepper,
                                                          -Mirror Mayhem-

I'm Just A Man(girl), I'm Not A Hero.

 You think I'm happy, you think I'm your fucking therapist? Well I'm not. How do you expect me to fix your problems when I'm not even fucking healed inside? How in the fuck do you expect me to fix everything, you come to me with everything. Every single problem you expect me to know how to fix. Why don't you ask me about MY fucking day? You think I'm so perfect, so clean, that I know everything? Well come on over and I'll show you the X I carved into my chest. Yup, close, but not on my boob. On the left side. Or how about you come and see my scars on my arm? Or maybe even the fresh ones. How about the one on my shoulder? The one on my leg? Point fucking made. I am here for you, yes, but don't be a vain bitch. I HAVE PROBLEMS TOO!! I can't fix everything.

 "I'm just man, I'm not a hero, Just a boy, I can't save the world"

               
                                               You're the guitar to my solo,
                                                     -Mirror Mayhem-

Goodbye My Love

Goodbye My Love

I write you a song on my wrists
You told me to die and hit me with your fists
As tears run down my face
I remember you calling me a disgrace
So i'll say goodbye
For the last time
Because I'd hate to be a burden
And now that I'm certain
I give you my stained heart
The razor is at its start
Sorry i was born
At least i know no one will ever mourn
One last look in the methane sky
 Oh goodbye my love, goodbye

-By: Me.

                                             Your the monsters to my night,
                                                     -Mirror Mayhem-

Finally MCR5 and Bisexual Questions.

Girls and boys. A stressing subject for a Bisexual person. Let me answer some frequently asked questions.

 Q: Can you date both a boy and a girl at the same time?
 A: NO! That would be cheating dumb ass

 Q: Since your like Bi..do you like your friends?
  A: Yes, sometimes I get a crush on one of my friends. Rarely, but it has happened before. I'm currently gaining a small crush on one of my friends currently and i don't plan on telling her.

  Q: Do you look at girls boobs/butts?
   A: Yes! I do! I try to resist but i will sometimes. Oh my gosh, my friend that I'm crushing on has such a nice  butt. I hope she doesn't see me looking. O.O That would be awkward.

 I'll do more if you guys send me some questions:
 rainbowismypoptart@gmail.com
           
 
 Now, I've been putting this off but its time to talk about MCR5. I want MCR5 to really be like the older MCR because even though the new happier MCR is nice, I miss the passion and angst that they had, now it feels so subtle. I still like it but i want the passion and feel of Black Parade and Bullets. I love Bullets! Gerard's voice is so raspy and natural.Something about the lyrics is so fucking raw! His voice is so different from the rest of every other album I've listened to. It takes a swing at my heart when i listen to it.

-----And if I had the guts to put this to your head...
But would anything matter if you're already dead? 
And well should I be shocked now by the last thing you said? 
Before I pull this trigger, 
Your eyes vacant and stained...

                                   Your the gun to my head,

                                -Mirror Mayhem-

Your The Demolition To My Lover

I'll talk about MCR5 later, right now we have something WAY more important to address. I am under the conclusion that my parents know about my blog, this is bad, very, very bad. I made this anonymously that way i could vent about anything and everything, give my opinion and my beliefs without anyone yelling at me. Being able to express wtf is going on lately. So if you are a reader of my blog and i just stop posting, you know what has happened. And if your my parents, note for you:
       
         This is my only way to vent because i can never vent to you. For fucks sake, you blamed it on me that people bully me!! You seriously despise my beliefs.. Like gay marriage? No,  "being gay is a disease"? Seriously what the fuck? Its not a disease its a life style, its a sexuality and its hard to live with a bunch of mother fucking homophobe  Or maybe the face that I'm atheist. You guys fucking force me to church. Well let me inform you on a secrete, your not changing my mind whats so ever. Your constantly trying to shove a religion down my throat that i just don't believe in. I'm not just being "rebellious" and i don't think I'll "change my mind" because i don't just say I'm atheist, i seriously have reasons i don't believe. So, if your nosy self has found its way to my blog, let me tell you, taking away my only vent, is a seriously bad idea.

                                                    Your the demolition to my lover,
                                                               -Mirror Mayhem-

The Goonies

 Everytime i got close to sleeping, insomnia came up and poked me in the arse reminding me that i was not gonna get two fucking minutes of sleep. So i obviously lost the battle against my insomnia, and im sitting here with my coffee writing to you, try not to feel too fucking special.
       I sometimes wonder if anyone actually reads these, or if im just blabbing on a public page...Maybe years from now some kids will find my "ancient" posts like the "Goonies". Lets talk about something eh? Don't fucking yell in my face because i close my eyes for 1.25 seconds. God damn im already irritated. I hate my school. I keep getting office referrals for writing/drawing on my arm, but you'd think since im the most quiet kid they'd cut me slack.
       We're going to talk about MCR5 later on tomorrow.

                                               your the hate to my suicide,
                                                    -Mirror Mayhem-

Dumbasses

All these kids say "Thug Life".
     let me list reasons why you, dumbass are not living the "Thug Life"
1. You get paid to clean your room
2. You have never lifted so much as 55 pounds
3. Your like 5'3
4. You live in a middle class neighborhood
5.If you where living the "Thug Life" you'd be sitting in a fucking jail cell, dumb fuck

This guy who is really mean to the nerds but liked me for some reason shared this convo with me:
Douche Bag: You got a cell?
Me: In fact i do, i have more than one cell, everyone in the Animalia Kingdom is multi-cellular.
Douche Bag: So we can text?
Me: -_-



                            Your the teenager that scares the living shit outa me,
                                                   -Mirror Mayhem-